Why do people stay in abusive relationships?


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Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? 

The question which frustrates police officers, prosecutors, judges, caseworkers, counselors, ER doctors and nurses, family and friends is the title of this article. Those who work with both victims and perpetrators of domestic violence in any capacity will ask themselves this.

They will spend months with women who have been abused, listening to their stories of beatings, rape, threats, and insults, their beloved pets being killed, their valued possessions smashed, and their children too often witnessing violence or being drawn into it.

In therapy, the roots of the violence, and often the acceptance thereof back to their experience in their developmental years will be processed. The warning signs their abuser showed early in the relationship will be identified, as will any patterns they have of choosing abusive men.

Therapists will examine how they couldn’t fix their alcoholic, addicted, abusive, molesting father, so they have a compulsion to find men just like their father and fix them.  New behaviors will be gradually learned, to develop self-confidence and self-respect.

Options for a safe exit plan or for the successful prosecution of their abuser will be laid out. They get restraining orders, a job, a new place to live and start presenting themselves with a new found confidence as they create distance between themselves and the predator that has victimized them.

Then they go back to them. They still love him. He’s a good man. He’s changed. He stopped drinking. It wasn’t so bad. You have to take the good with the bad in a relationship. Or they go out and find another man who could be his twin brother as far as behavior goes.

The legal definition of domestic violence varies between jurisdictions. Generally speaking, it is a form of violence which takes place between people who are married or living together or are family members (United States Department of Justice, n.d.). It is violence which occurs in the confines of a relationship, and often behind closed doors. Much of it is never reported, and the victims suffer in silence.

Why do people allow themselves to be abused?

  • Financial dependence on the abuser.
  • Drug dependence, with the abuser as the supplier.
  • Children with the abuser, which will keep you linked together.
  • The proverbial low self-esteem: I can’t do any better; I know this because he said so
  • Preference for a chaos, crisis-oriented existence, and inability to be comfortable with being treated well.
  • A rigid belief that you have to make a relationship work once you are in it.
  • Repetition compulsion: The unconscious compulsion to re-live a traumatic experience in a vain effort to gain closure (Bowins, 2010).
  • Adaptation to mistreatment. Over time, anything can become acceptable. Human beings are very adaptable, but sometimes this can work against us.
  • Borderline or Histrionic personality disorders. Individuals with these personality disorders will be very dramatic, and seek out crises (Out of the Fog, 2015, Out of the Fog, 2015a).

The dynamics of violence can be complex. It is almost always an interactive process to some degree. This is not blaming the victim; the offender is always responsible for their crime. However, the victim is responsible for their safety. There are men who are narcissistic and sociopathic, who believe their word is law and enforce their law with violence. They dominate those who are weaker, though I have observed many will not step up to another man. They are very bold with a woman or child, however. There are also women who are psychotically unstable, and who do violence to the men in their lives, or their own children. Here are some closing thoughts for both men and women who are in an abusive relationship:

Ladies, if you are with a man who hits you, get away from him, it will not get better. It doesn’t matter if he says he’s sorry, or if he cries real tears; you need to get away and never go back.

Gentleman, if you are with a woman who provokes you constantly, get away from her before you hit her. One day, you may lash out in frustration, and if you are a decent man, you will never forgive yourself for hitting her.

Some people should not be together, no matter how badly they want to. Some relationships cannot be fixed. And some people are incapable of being in a relationship.


Bowins, B. (2010). Repetitive maladaptive behavior: beyond repetition compulsion. American Journal of Psychoanalysis. (3):282-98. doi: 10.1057/ajp.2010.14.

Out of the Fog. (2015). Borderline Personality Disorder. Out of the Fog. http://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd

Out of the Fog. (2015). Histrionic Personality Disorder. Out of the Fog. http://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/histrionic-personality-disorder-hpd

United States Department of Justice. (n.d.). Domestic violence. https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence

CNA Classes Free Info. How to Stop Domestic Abuse. http://cnaclassesfreeinfo.com/how-to-end-domestic-abuse


stop domestic abuse




Electronic Theft Crime Defenses

Electronic Theft Crime Defenses

Electronic Theft Crime Defenses

Electronic theft is not only on the rise, as monetary systems move to the internet, but also are easier for the police to investigate and for prosecutors to prosecute.  Those factors make electronic theft crimes and convictions increase year over year.  It also makes convictions rise year over year.  This page discusses Electronic Theft Crime Defenses.

This FAQ page discusses how electronic theft crimes are investigated and what is allowed in prosecuting and defending cases.  The most common situation is where a credit card payment system is diverted or siphoned from, to route payments (or sometimes false payments) to an employee or another third party.

Question: In investigating an electronic theft crime, how likely are the police to try to access an online payments system?

Answer: The police wouldn’t be able to access any online payments account unless they seek and are granted a search warrant, are granted access by permission of the account owner, or ask the prosecutor to issue a subpoena duces tecum for access to that account.  How likely that depends on the quality of the specific evidence that points towards criminal activity.  A judge wouldn’t issue a warrant unless there is “specific articulable evidence that a crime occurred, or is occurring.” I don’t have all the evidence in this case to review, but it sounds as though there might be enough for a warrant.  With a subpoena, they only have to show it’s more likely than not (51/49%) that the subpoena will produce relevant evidence.  Given the problems with the account you described, and the lower standard for a subpoena, that might be more successful, but the police will usually, as a matter of procedure, try the warrant first.

Q: How likely are police to succeed in getting records in an electronic theft case?

A: Again, that depends on the specific facts and evidence the police have before using specific tools to access this account.  The police wouldn’t be able to access the online payments account unless they seek and are granted a search warrant, are granted access by permission of the account owner, or ask the prosecutor to issue a subpoena duces tecum for access to that account.  How likely depends on the quality of the specific evidence that points towards criminal activity.  A judge wouldn’t issue a warrant unless there is “specific articulable evidence that a crime occurred, or is occurring.” I don’t have all the evidence in this case to review, but it sounds as though there might be enough for a warrant.  With a subpoena, they only have to show it’s more likely than not (51/49%) that the subpoena will produce relevant evidence.  Given the problems with the account you described, and the lower standard for a subpoena, that might be more successful, but the police will usually, as a matter of procedure, try the warrant first. If the account owner consents to provide information or agrees to give access, no legal warrant or subpoena is needed, as there is consent.

Q: Can anything be done by the defense to stop this?

A:  With a warrant, there is a criminal motion to quash a warrant from being granted, or being used.  That can be served on the police and prosecution and used to stop an illegal warrant.  With the subpoena, there is likely third-party information being revealed.  Third parties would have a privacy interest in protecting private information, such as their credit card information, order history, name, address, and date of birth (if in the system).  Objecting to the subpoena as a third party based upon privacy rights and obtaining an injunction preventing release of the information via court order (from a civil court or an appeals level court) has been very successful in stopping or blocking this type of information from being released until the court system can analyze the data and see what, if anything, can be released protecting the privacy of others, which can take six months to a year. If the delay extends the investigation beyond the statute of limitations for the crime, this tactic alone may cause the case to be dismissed, or never filed in the first place, and would make it impossible to bring charges in the future.

Q: If an electronic order confirmation email was deleted after sending, how easily can these be recovered?

A: This is really a technical question, that depends on the email system used, the backup and storage methods, and the company’s policy regarding deleting, or backing up and saving old information.  From a legal point of view, I have no idea.  There is no legal requirement to save emails in most industries.

Q: How should he respond if being accused of being involved in, or a defendant in, an electronic theft crime?

A: This question is one permutation of the age-old question about what to say if accused of a crime.  Almost 100% of attorneys and most judges will tell you it’s best not to say anything.  You have 5th Amendment rights and 14th amendment rights for a reason, and that is to protect your right to remain silent.

Q: What should a defendant say if questioned?

A: That depends on the exact question asked.  Most attorneys would prefer that the accused not admit to a crime, and state that they have talked to an attorney, and the attorney has advised he or she not to make any statements regarding this at all.

Lying about it and stating they don’t know would not likely be a crime, like obstructing an investigation, or obstructing justice, but would certainly cause job consequences. 

Q: Wouldn’t it be better to attempt to fabricate some kind of explanation — That the sale was legitimate, but that the receipt was lost?

A: No. It is better to state that he’s talked to an attorney, and the attorney has advised him not to make any statements regarding this at all. That statement cannot be used against him, as it’s fundamental constitutional right.

Q: That ticket scalping sites are somehow involved if the case involves false ticket sales?

A: No. It is better to state that he’s talked to an attorney, and the attorney has advised him not to make any statements regarding this at all.

Q: That any charges made electronically were a mistake?

A: No. It is better to state that he’s talked to an attorney, and the attorney has advised him not to make any statements regarding this at all. That statement cannot be used against him, as it’s fundamental constitutional right.

Q: Or, if the police do decide to pursue charges, should the alleged defendant maintain silence, and hope that either the case is dropped by the prosecutor, or that there’s some kind of semi-viable legal defense available?

A: Yes.  Most attorneys would prefer that he not admit to a crime, and state that he’s talked to an attorney, and the attorney has advised him not to make any statements regarding this at all. That’s his rights under the Fifth Amendment. Talking about it or admitting to charges, or even admitting to side issues that help prove the case is never helpful

Q: Just how likely, roughly, are the police to pursue this?

A:  This question is impossible to answer by anyone but the specific agency investigating this case.  That would depend on their resources, how overloaded they might be by other cases, what their budget is to investigate this case, how much evidence they have (including what you don’t know about yet) and their motivation for the case.  The police have a duty to investigate and report to the prosecutor’s office via reports and other evidence any time they suspect a crime has occurred.  But in the real world, they may not have enough evidence or time to handle every case.

Q: And beyond that, how likely is the prosecutor to take up the case?
A: A prosecutor has a duty to file cases where there is a good faith belief that there is a crime and it can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt (note this is a higher standard than the police investigation standard above).  I do not know the answer to this without knowing the agency involved and the evidence involved. I suspect that there may be some denial here, in that you hope that charges will never be filed.  That usually doesn’t work out well, but it’s understandable psychologically.  Most cases presented are filed with the court.  

Q: How much room is there for a good Electronic Theft Crime Defenses, getting the charges dropped on that basis?

A: That’s difficult to tell from the limited evidence here.  There may be factual defenses – facts that don’t prove a connection to the alleged defendant, or there may be legal defenses, like a lack of intent here.  But there’s not enough to guarantee a particular defense or dismissal among the variety of Electronic Theft Crime Defenses.

Q: As far as actual sentencing is concerned… are cases like these sometimes are eligible for a pre-trial diversion — Pretrial diversion is where full restitution is paid, and the defendant has to take a class, the record is cleared, and that this becomes more difficult the more money is involved.
A: Yes, especially in certain counties, like Los Angeles County, the courts rely on pretrial diversion quite a bit for first-time offenders with no criminal record.  What this is describing is usually not eligible for more serious theft or embezzlement crimes, but probation instead of prison time is a possibility for first-time offenders.  

Q: If Pretrial Diversion (PTD) isn’t possible, what charges are likely, what sentences are likely?

Q: The sentences depend very much on what charges are filed, proven, or pled to. California charges depend on the amount of issue (or the total amount taken).  Anything under $950 is a misdemeanor and has the misdemeanor sentencing range, and anything above $950 is a felony, with the felony sentencing range. What crimes are covered under electronic theft could certainly qualify as California Penal Code 487, Grand Theft, or if below $950, Petty Theft.  It could also definitely qualify as Embezzlement, which is petty theft or grand theft while under the contract or employ of an employer and in a position of trust, which would also be a misdemeanor if under $950, or a felony if above $950. This could also be prosecuted as a misdemeanor or felony fraud.  Prosecutors would usually in normal situations file both, which gives them leverage to run both sentences concurrently, or consecutively, or dismiss one as part of a plea bargain.

If referred to the Federal Attorney General, which electronic crimes often are, that would be the federal crime of electronic wire fraud, or 18 U.S. Code 1343.

As a misdemeanor, the sentencing for California crimes would be from zero jail time to one year in jail, three to five years probation, restitution, and certain additional punishment (education, community service, work programs, booking, DNA, or counseling), depending on the judge and the policies for the courthouse you are in.

As a felony, the judge would only have the choice of sentencing you to one of three state prison options – sixteen months in state prison, two years in state prison, or three years in state prison.  Before sentencing, the judge will allow the defense to bring a motion to show good cause for first-time offenders for mitigation for felony supervised formal probation in certain circumstances.

As a federal crime, section 1343 allows a judge to review sentencing briefs from both sides and proclaim a sentence up to one million dollars in fines, plus actual restitution, and up to 20 years in Federal prison.

Any of the above is a crime of moral turpitude, even if a misdemeanor.  Theft, fraud, or embezzlement crimes are a hard no for many employers, and crimes of moral turpitude make you ineligible for state or federal licenses and cause immigration or travel consequences.

Q: What difference could a good defense attorney make?

A: A defense attorney is the only one working on the defense side to challenge the evidence, block certain evidence from being used, arguing for you, presenting evidence on your side and presenting mitigation evidence on your behalf.  The difference could be a more harsh sentence and a light sentence, or between a dismissal and a conviction. A defense attorney is important enough that you will be given one by the court even if you can’t afford one, but having a plan in place now and being prepared and having a firm dedicated to your case and fighting every aspect of it and minimizing the impact on you can make a dramatic difference in your matter.

Q: Overall — How dangerous is this situation, legally speaking?

Q: Theft crimes are not “dangerous”, per se, and not “dangerous” in terms of personal harm.  But this situation is serious.  I think you’re doing the right thing by taking this seriously and gathering as much information as you can to have a plan or strategy in place and reaching out to professionals to get opinions and potentially having someone handle this situation. As you can see from the punishment above, this is serious enough to be concerned and want to fight this and minimize the impact on you as much as you can. 

Q: Is there any possibility of resolving it internally, before the police get seriously involved?

A: If the police have already been contacted and have begun looking into this (which is what I gather from your explicit statements to that effect), then they would have a legal duty to investigate this if they believe there are facts that support a conclusion that a crime has occurred.  (See above).  If I am incorrect in this, and the police have not been contacted, then an internal settlement could be negotiated (with or without an attorney), which may stop the police from being involved, or a challenge to the warrant or subpoena (see answer above) may prevent evidence from being obtained.  Many police detectives or officers will also allow an attorney to argue the evidence collected towards convincing the police not to file charges and send to the DA’s office if there is a weak case.

Q: How likely are the police to gather sufficient evidence for a viable case?

A:  This is another question that any answer would only be pure speculation. If the police have the manpower, time, budget, and evidence to gather sufficient evidence, then they could.  Not knowing any of that, I can only guess.  People often underestimate how easy it is to get and analyze electronic data, and many larger police departments have specific task forces or sub-departments just for electronic evidence retrieval and analysis. Sufficient evidence depends on whether or not they can prove the elements of the crime.  For embezzlement, for example, the criminal statute and the court instructions require proof of the following elements, each beyond a reasonable doubt: (a) An owner entrusted someone to access to property; (b) The owner trusted the defendant; (c) The defendant fraudulently acted to steal or defraud; and (d) there was an intention to steal or defraud.  If they can’t provide sufficient evidence as to each of those elements, then you would win the case at motion or at trial.

Q: Can anything be done about this?

A:  Yes.  As mentioned above, you can be proactive about challenging the evidence, or blocking the efforts to obtain evidence, or create a settlement.  You can settle the case with the employer or convince the investigating officer or detective that there is insufficient evidence.  You can also challenge the filing deputy at the prosecutor’s office that there is not a case to be filed, you can challenge the case and the charges at the arraignment in court, challenge the elements of the crime, provide defenses or defense evidence, challenge the case at trial, or provide mitigation evidence and ask for leniency in the punishment, or a reduction of the charges, or argue for the minimums allowed by law at sentencing.

Q: How likely is this 1) to be investigated, 2) to lead to arrest, and then 3) to prosecution?

A: There are unknowns, but it’s rare for a clear crime to not be investigated.  If there is enough evidence, it will lead to an arrest, and lead to prosecution. The state’s own statistics  show that over 90% of cases presented to the prosecutor are filed.

Q: What kind of sentencing is likely for Electronic Theft Crime Defenses?

A:  See above regarding sentencing ranges.  For felonies, where the court has three choices in sentencing, the guidelines for judges state that the judge must choose the mid-term (2 years), and then decide if the mitigation evidence presented by the defense outweighs the aggravating evidence presented by the prosecution.  As a first time offender, the court usually would go towards the low term or towards probation and lower jail time, rather than towards the maximum sentencing range.

Q: What kind of Electronic Theft Crime Defenses are viable?

A:  Many long books have been written on criminal defenses, which also apply to this case.  Defenses to theft include consent, lack of intent, lack of fraud, stealing, or misappropriation, factual or legal mistake, a challenge to the crimes charged by pointing out legal defenses, or that the elements of the crime cannot be proven, or mental capacity, or legal justification.

Contact our Orange County criminal defense attorney if you have questions.

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Long Beach Marijuana License Attorney

Long Beach Marijuana License Attorney

Long Beach has, or had, 32 licenses available for operation in the city.  They released them in stages, with the last 10 being released and assigned last week, on September 28th, 2017. The city had a lottery to assign the last 10, but they still have to await final approval.
Long Beach requires inspections of any proposed location from the following City agencies which will inspect proposed marijuana business locations:
  • Development Services: Building and Safety Division
  • Development Services: Planning Bureau
  • Environmental Health
  • Fire Department
Long Beach Permit requirements are here:  http://www.lbds.info/civica/filebank/blobdload.asp?BlobID=6361.
You will note that many of the requirements mention building codes, and if you are not doing construction of a new building, or remodel of an existing building that requires city construction permits, you will still need to make sure you are in compliance with all existing city codes.

City of Long Beach Marijuana Taxes

On November 8, 2016, Measure MA, “Long Beach Marijuana Taxation”, passed by the vote of the citizens of Long Beach. That new law sets the tax rates to:
  • six to eight percent (6-8%) of gross receipts for medical marijuana dispensaries; 
  • eight to twelve (8-12%) of gross receipts for non-medical (i.e., recreational) marijuana dispensaries; 
  • six to eight (6-8%) of gross receipts for processing, distributing, transporting, or testing marijuana and marijuana-related products; and 
  • twelve to fifteen ($12-15) per square foot for marijuana cultivation. 

Taxes set by Measure MA could be increased or decreased within the established ranges by the City Council, provided the maximum rates listed above are not exceeded.

Specific Dispensary Rules in the City of Long Beach

Note that you are not allowed to smoke or consume marijuana inside any dispensary.
You also cannot deliver marijuana unless it’s sealed and labeled, and there are signage requirements for the business (see link above).

City of Long Beach Marijuana License Application Fees

There is a minimum tax of $1,000.  Application fees are:
  • Application Fees range from $200.45 for one owner, up to $925.45 for six owners.
  • Zoning Review Fee $33.00 
  • Development Services Review Fee $22.45 
  • ADA State Mandated Fee $1.00 
  • LBPD Background Investigation Fee $145.00 for each owner and business manager
(See the application at http://www.longbeach.gov/globalassets/finance/media-library/documents/business-info/business-licenses/marijuana-applications/medical-marijuana-application).  Note that they want photos and dimensions of the location, specific licenses, and information on each owner.
There are currently no delivery licenses, or dispensary licenses, available after the lottery last week.  If more open up, the application instructions are at  http://www.longbeach.gov/globalassets/finance/media-library/documents/business-info/business-licenses/marijuana-applications/medical-marijuana-application-guidelines_final/
Long Beach also has a “buffer zone”, where you must show you are more than 1,000 feet from any other dispensary, and not near public schools, beaches, or parks.  A description of last week’s lottery and a map showing existing dispensaries are here:  http://www.thecannifornian.com/cannabis-news/southern-california/long-beach-uses-lottery-system-hand-limited-medical-marijuana-licenses/
Background check requirements, requirements of the owner of the property where the business is located (in your case landlord), and a description of the point system used by Long Beach for marijuana licensing is here:  http://www.longbeach.gov/globalassets/finance/media-library/documents/business-info/business-licenses/marijuana-applications/medical-marijuana-faq-s
You will also need a general business license in Long Beach, which is required for the marijuana application.  That license application form is here:  http://www.longbeach.gov/globalassets/finance/media-library/documents/business-info/business-licenses/marijuana-applications/new-medical-marijuana-business-application_final/
There is no current deadline or limit for distribution facilities, although they do have to go through the licensing process as any other business would have to, and are subject to the buffer zones and must provide an operating plan and other information.

Long Beach Marijuana Cannabis Licenses Still Available

How many non-dispensary medical marijuana businesses are allowed in the City of Long Beach (cultivation, distribution, manufacturing, testing)?

Currently, there is no limit to the number of non-dispensary medical marijuana licenses that can be issued.
As of the writing of this article, there is only one distribution license application pending in Long Beach.

Does my landlord have to give permission or agree to my marijuana license?

Yes.  Long Beach has their own form for landlord permission. Applicants who do not own the proposed business property must submit the Property Owner Authorization Form.​

​So, if you rent or lease your location, you will need your landlord to certify permission to operate.  See


Contact us for any questions about obtaining a marijuana dispensary license, or other cannabis business license.  As a top Long Beach Marijuana License Attorney, we can help you today.