Reaching Fair Agreements When Separating From a Spouse

You can only sign a marital settlement agreement if you agree with its terms; this usually means a lot of negotiating. In this post, we’ll show you how to guide these discussions with your spouse to reach fair compromises during a divorce.

The Importance of Open Communication

You must be open and honest with your ex-partner throughout any discussion. It’s hard to shut off all emotions that may crop up, but do what you can to stay on-topic at all times – and without assigning blame to anyone.

You should also practice active listening; this means actively engaging in the conversation, such as by asking follow-up questions and not interrupting. The other side must know you understand them, even if you still don’t agree.

Dividing Your Assets

If the separation is part of a full divorce, you must know how this works in your state, especially when it comes to dividing assets. The main ways here are as follows:

• Equitable distribution: This splits assets fairly between each party, even if it isn’t 50/50; 41 states follow this arrangement.
• Community property: In contrast, nine states follow community property, which divides everything as equally as possible.

Regardless, you must create a full inventory of your current assets and debts, explicitly showing what is and isn’t jointly owned.

If you and your partner have a prenuptial agreement, this clearly says where your assets will go. You might even make a “postnuptial” agreement part of your settlement.

Always Prioritize Your Children

If you and your ex-spouse have children, you should keep their interests in mind. Childcare is its own debate, but it should always focus on what’s best for the child. This might mean living with the parent most involved in their life, the one they’re closer to, or who’s nearest to their school.

Always advocate for a balanced visitation plan. For example, you might have sole custody over the weekend or during school breaks. Ultimately, your child needs a consistent routine, and they can only get this if both parents work together to provide a sense of stability.

Tips for Staying Emotionally Grounded

A divorce is a major life change, and it’s okay for it to affect you. Anybody in your position would struggle to cut emotions out of the settlement discussions. With this in mind, here are some tips that can help you stay in control of your feelings while negotiating:

• Take a pause when you need to; don’t rush into a response you’ll regret
• Agree on which topics to discuss in advance and never deviate from them
• Focus on your specific objectives and always link everything to these
• Recognize patterns and triggers that cause particularly emotional reactions
• Talk to a therapist or close friend – or look for a local divorce support group
• Use neutral language when explaining your current opinions or feelings
• Remind yourself that your spouse is also hurting; this isn’t easy for anyone
• If all else fails, don’t be afraid to ask for breaks during your negotiations

An emotional outburst can sabotage any progress you make on a compromise – do all that you can to avoid this.

Is Mediation Worthwhile?

Mediation puts you and your spouse in the same room, with a third-party mediator also present to facilitate and guide the discussion. A neutral mediator’s presence alone can help encourage a more balanced and respectful tone overall.

Mediators cannot offer advice or take any side – they just make sure you and your spouse cover every relevant topic without devolving into arguments. For example, they’ll reframe emotional or hostile statements more objectively.

A mediator can’t push you or your ex-partner to a conclusion. If this is what you need, it may be worth looking into arbitration instead. The arbitrator will provide a legally binding judgment, but it might involve a compromise; they also simply might not take your side.

Compromises You Should Consider

A fair agreement rarely lands entirely in your favor on every point. You’ll (almost always) need to compromise, such as when dividing your assets, working out legal fees, or discussing alimony. If you’re at an impasse, here are some compromises you can offer:

• Accepting fewer overall assets in return for more meaningful property
• Considering joint custody, especially if it’s in your child’s best interests
• Adjusting alimony payments to suit long-term financial changes
• Letting your spouse still live with you while finding a new place
• Sharing legal, mediation, and arbitration fees, even if one party “wins”
• Arranging a fair buyout amount for taking ownership of a joint business

Ultimately, a divorce agreement without compromise won’t be fair to the other side. If necessary, be the bigger person and offer what you think is fair.

Final Thoughts

Following these tips helps you build a better divorce agreement. Always use an online template to guarantee a legally binding marital separation form that stands up in court.